


With love, Crabby kitten.

by Sandentwins



Series: Tales of Earth and Alternia [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Inspired from that one copypasta, Love Letters, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 11:46:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandentwins/pseuds/Sandentwins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas, young solitary boy, desperates about never finding his true love. Until one day, on the way back from school, he finds an anonymous love letter. Could it be a sign that his heart will finally beat for someone else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blue ink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in 1995, Altownia.   
> Karkat's mother, who isn't named here, was Joanna from [Foster Child](http://archiveofourown.org/works/890980).

"You're just an insufferable brat! You'll never do anything with your life!" Spades shouted for the millionth time.

"-I'd rather be a tramp rather than someone like you!" I answered.

"-In your room! Now!"

"-Of course, Slick!"

I left him here, feigning my happiness to avoid him. Encounters with my father were very intense, and when I wasn't at school I was spending all of my time in my room. Every time he saw me, he was yelling at me because of my bad marks, my laziness and my very existence. I was used to it after the sixteen years I have lived.  
I threw my bag under my desk as usual, sat on my bed and took my headphones. Some good rock was enough to calm my nerves down, but the best way to relax was to talk to Korazu. His advice was always the best to listen to. Korazu was my best friend: a crab. A white crab, tall as me, with four red eyes full of wisdom. He could talk, and was always here when I was in need of attention. I always needed attention. He stroked my head with his large pincer, muttering soft words in my ear. His voice was comforting me, throwing my troubles away. I tried to touch his ivory shell, but my hand went right through him.  
Korazu only existed in my head. He was my only friend, and an imaginary one.

\---

There wasn't any snow this January morning on the walk to school. Just some sun, hidden behind the clouds. The few small white ice blocks were melting under the car's wheels, flooding the roadside gutters. My shoes were drenched, but I didn't care. Behind me, Korazu was trotting happily. Today was Friday, the last day before a deserved week-end. On the top of all, my father was going out with his crew for the next two days. This is why I was feeling good today, feeling really good. The only classes today were English and History, the easiest for sleep. I didn't have many friends, and was distant with the only ones I had, except of course for Kora. It was because I was afraid of losing them; maybe I was the worst guy they could ever have as a friend. And of course, I never thought of having a girlfriend. It's true that I never tried to change my shy behavior, but who for? My crab was everything I needed.  
During the class, I almost didn't nap. John, who was sitting next to me, was always blabbering about his yesterday's party. He had invited me, but I hadn't the heart to go. I said I had homework to do, but I knew he hadn't believed me. At the end of the day, I was walking through the park as usual to go back home. That's when I saw it. An envelope on a bench; it was white, with no address on it. Just a little pink heart. Curious despite Kora's advice, I took it, and saw the weirdest thing ever. Written with dark blue ink, calligraphic, it was saying:

"Dear you who found my letter,  
I'm really happy to talk to you. I won't tell you who I am, but I'll just say that I need someone to love."

I stopped to read. This was real bullshit since the first line. However, I was somehow flattered that somebody had the same desire as me.

"Kiddo...put it down," Korazu said.

"-Shhhht. It's interesting."

"I'm fifteen, and a student of Skaiacademy. I love drawing, having parties but I'm really shy. I also love romance movies and sweets. My favorite is candy corn."

It was a nice profile. The typical one of somebody who needed love, and who also had a lot of hobbies in common with me.

"But I've had a lot of relationships that ended very badly. My heart had been broken many times, and I don't know if I could ever stand another wrong choice."

My own heart just melted at these words.

"If you accept to correspond with me, here's how we'll proceed: you'll keep this letter for the week-end and write your answer for Monday. You'll leave it here and I'll leave the answer some days later, and so on. Of course, you won't tell me your real name. It'll be more fun!"

This idea of a secret correspondence was just...cute. Really; it was so lovely.

"Looking forward for your answer,  
Cat's paw of wind."

The nickname was so lovely. It sounded like a little gust of wind, blowing between the flowers. The flowers that just bloomed in my heart. I held the letter on my heart, fluttering my eyes shut, breathing the light scent of the fruity fragrance emanating from the paper.

"Korazu...I think I'm in love."

\---

Once back at home, I took a paper, my pens, and sat at my desk.  
I needed to know who this boy or girl was. But I first needed to talk to him or her.  
I didn't know what to write. So I decided to introduce myself first.

"Dear Cat's paw of wind,  
I got your letter. And it's with a great pleasure that I accept to correspond with you.  
I accept the game rules and won't tell you my name. I'm at Skaiacademy too, I love romance movies too and also adventure novels."

Introduction, done. I twitched the pen between my fingers before finding something to write.

"I understand that you're in need for love. Well, I am too. Who knows? Maybe these letters will lead us to meet someday. And maybe that behind your words is a kind, lovely person.  
With love,"

I hesitated. I couldn't tell them my name was Karkat Vantas. I looked at Kora, asleep on my pillow.

"Crabby kitten."

I kissed the letter, put it in an envelope with some candy corn kernels, and closed it. I was now truly looking forward for Monday. I chucked Korazu's shell, looking through the window.

"Who are you, Cat's paw?"


	2. Blue bird

"Dear Crabby kitten,  
I'm so happy you found my letter. You see, I never imagined someone could take it seriously.  
Each month I had written a letter like this, but each-"

"Karkat Vantas! Concentration, please!"

I hid the letter under my notebook and made believe I was paying attention to the lesson. But when the teacher looked away, I took it again.

"But each month, I found either a dumb answer or nothing at all. If you are romantic enough to answer to me, it means you are the kind of person I'm looking for. As sweet as your candies <3  
I'm still stunned by the fact someone answered me, so I won't say much. But I give you this.  
Read ya soon,  
Cat's paw of wind."

The same fragrance. The same handwriting. The same way to write the 'e's. And a little hand-made braided bracelet, now ornamenting my wrist. I had convinced Korazu that it was a good idea to correspond with this unknown author, but he still was doubting. It could be an old guy, pretending to be a little girl, or just a bad prank. Despite his thoughts, I was in love. In love with this mysterious gust of wind. Once I finished reading their letter, I wrote some words as an answer. Naturally, John peeked over my shoulder, and I heard him giggling.

"Karkat is in love~"

I hid the paper, pretending not hearing him. This guy was insufferable.

"Karkat...y'know, it could be him.", Kora muttered.

John...would be Cat's paw? Nah, it was stupid. Though...it wasn't totally, afterall. He too got bad tastes in movies and loves candy.   
Afterall, my correspondant could be anybody.

\---

Watching no one was around, I left the envelope on the bench. Then I took a book in my bag, and began reading to feed Korazu. He needed my imagination to live, he was himself imaginary afterall. I read some pages to his delight, and closed the book; that's when I saw someone running away from me.  
This girl was in my class, and she was purely an introvert. Next to her, I was a social pimp. I bet she was scared of seeing me there. I checked the envelope was still here, and walked back home.

\---

Slick wasn't alone home: his girlfriend was also here. He dumped Mom for her some years ago, but I never have seen her. So that's with a large smile that she greeted me, saying how much I was cute with my freckles and pointy ears. She was nice and all, but a bit too attached. I absconded to my room quickly, put on my headphones and sat on my bed as usual. That's when I got an SMS from John.

"hey kk we're throwing a party for daves bday you come?"

I sighed. A very, very deep sigh. I strummed on my mobile phone, tired. Why did I give him my phone number in the first place?

"NAH SORRY. HWORKS."

"aw c'mon karkat!"

"I WONT FUCKING COME. PUT THAT IN YOUR BRAIN FOR THE LAST TIME EGBERT."

" still up with your imaginary crab? he's even not real!"

"WHAT IF *YOU* ARE NOT REAL, FUCKASS?"

I turned my phone off, and Korazu ruffled my hair, grinning.

"You know where your real friends belong to. But don't sacrify your social life."

"-I do what I fucking want."

I lay down on my bed, hugging my pillow. I took the first letter I had from Cat's paw, and breathed its perfume. Fruity, girlish, maybe a cheap one. I read it all over again and again, until the words danced in my head, until I fell asleep.  
In my dream, a crab was trying to catch a blue bird, flying over the wind and the green forests. But when I woke up, I had forgotten it.

\---

The next day, I was reading a book during the morning break. There weren't many other students today, so I could had a bench for me and Kora only. I was in the middle of an interesting chapter when I heard voices talking. I recognized one of these; I turned around, and saw the worst gang of bullies of all the school, mocking on a girl. She was all alone in a corner, with three guys trying to racket her, too far away from any adult.

"Hey, Karkat. Isn't it Miss Forever alone?", Korazu asked.

And he was right: the most introvert girl of Skaiacademy and maybe the whole town, the one I saw yesterday, was harassed by these boys. I suddenly found myself standing up, like if I had springs under my shoes. I walked to the three guys, and kicked the bigger one in the ass.

"Go look for someone your size, fuckass!"

He turned back, with a terrifying gaze. Nobody had enough guts to hit this brute of Gaetan Makara, nobody except someone who hadn't anything left to lose.

"Hey, look, if it isn't our favorite gingerhead punching-ball!"

I wasn't afraid of their fists. I wasn't feeling the pain. I wasn't thinking of anything. Korazu stood by my side, unable of acting, and his presence was sort of healing my wounds.   
When the guys finally got bored and went away, I felt something on my cheek. It was the hand of the girl, and she was smiling.

"Thanks a lot."

"-Mhg. 'prob."

She blushed, and out of thankfulness, she kissed me on the forehead. I hadn't even the time to blink, she already was gone, leaving me to my thoughts.

"Karkat's in love~", Kora chuckled.

"-I just fucking helped this fucking crybaby."

John also said this same sentence. John...if he couldn't talk to me by messages or in real life, he could have tried the letter thing to trick me. Was it a message he was trying to give me? Cat's paw of wind, the little breeze, could be John?  
I just sat on the bench, my arms still hurting. That's when I noticed that the girl had let fall her fancy blue hat. I picked it up, telling myself to give it back to her later. I didn't know what, who or why, but it smelled something familiar to me.

\---

"Dear Crabby kitten,  
The day had been really good for me. What about you?  
In some day's the exams, what a misery! I think I should start to revise...  
You won't believe me, but I went to a party yesterday and met some really cool people! Too bad my best friend couldn't come over   
You know, I really think this could work between us. Why not meet someday? February 14th isn't this far...I really think we should. But first, let's make the suspense even bigger! Who are you? I'll have to wait, though I already have an idea about it...  
Wish you a good day,  
Cat's paw of wind.  
PS: I already love you."


	3. Blue hat

Valentine's day.  
The day I always hated. But today, that would change.  
After one month of correspondence, of letters that were getting more and more romantic each time, and little items trade (the best I gave was an old Cancer-shaped pendant I have found in Mom's old jewels) with Cat's paw of wind, we will finally meet each other. I was now sure it was John; the blue ink, the little puns, and the impression I had that he was getting closer to me each day since he saw me writing this letter. I was sure, 100% sure, though Korazu was still doubful.  
In his last letter, he said that he'd meet me at the bench at the end of the class. That's why I harbored a great smile during my first classes; but soon, I got a stomachache. What if he isn't John? What if it all was a prank? The words in his letters seemed so sincere...but what if he rejects me? Will everything be okay? All these unanswered questions were driving me insane.  
During the break, I hadn't the heart to eat my sandwich. Everyone within a 60 foot radius around me was exchanging cards, sweets or flowers. Seeing them kiss was just awful to someone forever alone like me. The only things I had from my lover was a little bracelet and some candies. Kora didn't stop telling me to be patient and wait for something to happen. During the entire day, hours had been passing by with the speed of a snail, but at each tick of the clock, another piece of my nerves cracked. I hadn't stop gazing at John, but he acted like he didn't noticed anything. It was making me sicker. Finally, the bell rang for the last time of the day, and in less than one second I was outside, sitting on the bench.  
No trace of John around. I just sat here, took a book for Kora and read. When I finished reading the chapter, it was around 7:36 pm with still no trace of John. I read another chapter. Kora's shell was shining with all of this imagination I was 'feeding' him with. 8:06. No one. I closed my book, tired, and stood up to walk away, when I suddenly heard a sob.  
I turned around, and saw the girl I saved last month, sitting on the other edge of the bench. Her eyes were red from crying; occupied by my reading, I hadn't noticed her at all.

"Hey...is everything alright?", I shyly asked her.

She looked at me with her soaked eyes. Suddenly, she fell in my arms, sobbing. I couldn't leave her in her sadness, thus hugged her.

"Shhhhh...it's okay."

"-N...No, it...isn...n't!"

"-Why? What's troubling you?"

It was the first time I really saw her face: short brown hair, a little cat-ish mouth and big, green eyes. She would certainly be cute without all these tears that were racing down her blushing cheeks.

"I...was just waiting for someone...but it seems that he isn't there..."

"Poor girl...I know how hard it is."

Without thinking any further, I hugged her tighter, whispering soft words in her pointy ears. Lovers day, my rear end, more like the day where we're waiting for someone and he never comes.

"By the way...I found this."

I looked in my bag, and took the blue fancy hat I handed her. She blushed a lot.

"I was always forgetting. Sorry."

"-That's nothing. Thanks a lot."

She shyly took it, but suddenly she stared at my wrist. The one where the braided bracelet was. She grinned, and stopped to cry.

"Did you make it?"

"Not really...a friend gave it to me."

I noticed that she had a ton of little similar bracelets on her own hands. Korazu made a very strange noise.

"What's your name?", she suddenly asked.

"-Karkat Vantas."

"-I'm Natalia Leijon. Nice to meet you!"

"-Well, we've actually met a lot of times. It's just...we havn't taken the time to talk."

It was now my turn to smile. Something was odd in this scene...something was familar. It was the light scent floating in the air...a scent I knew. I checked my watch once more, and of course, no John. I sent him a quick SMS while Natalia wiped her tears off, only to get one picture as an answer.  
He was with Valerie Serket, the class' pimp. They were kissing.  
It was now my turn to sob like a baby. John had forgotten me, he left me for this bitch, alone! Natalia hugged me as tight as she could, forced my head into her chest and muttered to me that it was okay. The contact was making us both blush dark red, but it was comforting me.

"Karkat...", Korazu suddenly said. "If John isn't Cat's paw...then who is it?"

This had just occured to me. In his/her letter, my correspondent had sworn s/he'd come. Despite this promise, there wasn't anybody around, except for me, Kora, and...  
I received this revelation like a slap in the face. Slowly, getting to Natalia's level, I looked at her neck, and saw a familiar-shaped pendant shining in the streetlamps' light. I stared at her, totally mute, until my lips decided to open.

"Cat's paw."

She smiled, and nodded.

"Crabby kitten."

The veil had been lifted. Mystery, clear. Prank, thrown away.

"That...was you since the start?"

"Since the start. Surprised, huh?"

My hand ran up her arm, cupped her cheek, rubbing her mouth with my thumb.

"You said in your letter that you love me...has your mind changed?"

"-Not at all...Karkat."

She pecked my thumb. I took a step forward through the dark wall that was doing us part, and touched her lips to mine.  
My heart suddenly beat faster than anything I could have ever imagined. I deepened our touch, pulling her closer to me, feeling her hot breath on my cheeks. Her little fairy hands climbed up to my face, stroking my hair, passing fingers over my neck, her thumbs rubbing the corners of my mouth. I held her by the waist, wanting her to release the pressure and feel more comfortable. Korazu made little weird but pleasured squeaks. I stroked her back, and she made a little purring sound. Melting in my arms, she parted her lips, her tongue slightly licking mine, kissing me even deeper. Following my instinct, I gently licked her lips, letting go of a soft moan. Our fingers crossed, our tongues entwined as my heart began beating faster and faster in my chest. Slowly, we drifted apart, both of us smiling and blushing.

"Nat?"

"Yes, Kat?"

"I love you."

On this February 14th, I exchanged my very first kiss.

\---

"Look at them both. Inseparable."

"But it's cute to see them walking holding hands..."

Natalia and I were used to these sentences. Good for us, these weren't insults, or even indirect ones. Normally, a relationship only makes someone fail in class, but for me it was the opposite; since I found a reason to live, my marks were rocketing, my mood was globally better and I even smiled while hearing Spades shouting at me.  
Four months have passed since I first kissed her.  
I was now about 16, and had a head full of dreams and projects. Most of them were about Natalia: if I get a good job, then I would provide us a happy life together. I even surprised myself to talk with her about marriage; she hadn't answered, but I know that deep in her heart, she just needed someone to love her for the rest of her days. I was often inviting her at home, and we would play video games all night long, or watch movies, or just cuddle under the blanket. She had slept some nights with me, and soon, it had led me to another question: were we ready to have sexual relations together? Korazu had said that it was up to me. I asked her once, and we both blushed dark red. We didn't talk about it anymore, but some weeks later, we had to.  
Spades had told me that now I was a bit more of extravert, I could invite some friends to my birthday, on June 12th. Natalia, John (I hadn't forgiven him, because he hadn't done anything needing to be forgiven. I can't blame him for not being my correspondent.), and some others were here. Patty, Slick's girlfriend, had even baked a cake, which made me cuddle her. But when I opened my presents, I discovered that instead of the usual shirts or CDs the others gave me, John had bought me...a pack of condoms. I blushed hard, hiding my ashamed face in my arms, under the others' giggles.

"Hey, Karkat", John said. "You're getting to be an adult, plus you have a girlfriend. Think 'bout it."

Natalia chuckled, her cheeks as red as mine, and gave me her present: two tickets for the funfair today. I always have dreamed about going there, but with Nat at my side, I truly was happy,  
and I always would be.

\---

We were walking together in this sunny afternoon, my stomach full of cake, my head full of dreams, my hand full of Nat's. Today, the day would be the best day of my life ever. Until Natalia forced me to sit down on a bench, making me worried.

"Is something wrong, Nat?"

"-Listen, kitten...I..."

She sat next to me, blushing.

"These tickets...aren't my real gift. What I want to give you, it's..."

She looked for something in her pocket, and took out one of John's rubbers. She put it in my hand, and hugged me.

"I want to truly become your girlfriend. Tonight, I'm yours."

"T...tonight?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise for your birthday...but if you don't want to, I under-"

I returned her her hug, as tight as I could.

"Nat...are you really ready to do it with me?"

"Of course. Will your dad mind if we...do it in your room?"

"-He doesn't give a shit about me. No problem."

We kissed. I hid the condom in my pocket, and we stood up.

"But your tickets were a good idea too. Wanna see who can eat the most cotton candy in one minute?"

"You betcha!"

We held hands, and ran. The funfair was on the town's place for two months, and they said they had the biggest rollercoaster ever. I was so happy, so wishful while running with my lover, that I wasn't realizing we were running on the zebra crossing during a red light. A car almost hit me, and I suddenly woke up from my love trance.

"Kat, watch out!"

A truck, coming from the other side of the road, was driving right on us. I was frozen by the fear, my limbs have stop obeying me, but suddenly I felt something pushing me sideways. I landed on the roadside, and turned around just in time...to see Natalia being hit by the truck.  
I screamed.  
Her body was floating in the air, like in slow-motion movie scenes. Then it landed six feet away, her head violently hitting a pole. I ran to her, not caring about the cars colliding, and held her in my arms. She had a large wound on her forehead, and her mouth was bleeding. She fluttered her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks, and looked at me.

"K...ar..."

"It's okay, Nat...everything...everything will be okay, promise!"

I hugged her tighter, careful to not harm her. Around us, people were screaming. Rain began to fall. I covered her shivering body with my jacket, and held her close to me. Her blood was flowing down my arms as much as the rain was drenching the street. I saw red and blue lights reflecting in the flooded gutters, and suddenly Natalia was taken from my arms. They put her on a hand-barrow, then in an ambulance car. Still not hearing anyone else than Kora, I got in too, holding her hand. She wasn't moving anymore, her pale face covered in blood. I realized something that only made me cry even more.  
On this June 12th, my girlfriend sacrificied herself to save me.


	4. Red heart

"Karkat, open this door!"

I didn't answer.

"I fucking said to open before I get an axe!"

I squirmed under my blanket, the one wrapped around me like a cocoon I hadn't been out of for two days. In front of my locked door, Slick was trying to make me wake up. But nothing could get me out of bed. Natalia had an accident and it was my fault, and I still hadn't any news from her. I hadn't eaten anything nor moved from under my cover since. Everything I was doing now was crying, crying ceaselessly. Tissues were forming a soaked pile around my bed, my mailbox was full of "where are you" messages from John and my drenched eyes were making me blind. I hadn't seen Korazu at all, because I had trouble making him 'appear'. I was only thinking about Natalia, my dear, poor, sweet Natalia. I cried again, nothing being able to comfort me. I heard the shouting, the raging hits on the door, and then Patty's soft voice.

"Karkat? Sweetie, please open up."

Slick stopped to yelling at me. I only heard his girlfriend's comforting words.

"Karkat, your father just called the hospital. Your girlfriend is alive!"

I jumped from out of my cover, hitting my head on the furniture, my legs hurting, my vision blurred, but finally opened the door. Patty took me in her arms, muttering at me to calm down, while Spades was sighing before this scene.

"Is...she...?", I tried to ask.

"-She's alright, sweetheart. And she'd like to see you."

I smiled. For the first time since the accident, I was relieved.

\---

I hugged her, careful to not harm her broken ribs. Her smile was still the same as the one I always saw her with. I dared to kiss her in front of Slick and Patty, but not too rough though.

"Natalia..." I began.

She put her fingers on my mouth to shut me up. My parents quietly left us alone, and I sat on Nat's bed.

"My little crabby kitten..." she muttered.

Next to me, Korazu suddenly appeared, breathing like if he had been about to drown and managed to rise to the surface right in time. In my arms, I felt Natalia growing weaker each minute. I kissed her again, and the door opened. A woman in a white coat entered, and checked on Nat's infusion. She then talked to the young girl about the consequences of the accident, and told with a sorry face that a lot of her vital functions had been injured, but that they'll find a way to heal her. She told me to let her rest, and I left the room. In the corridor, a woman dressed in green (probably Natalia's mother) asked the doctor about her daughter's state.

"Well..." Dr. Maryam began.

She seemed to have bad news. For a second, I felt my heart stop to beat.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Leijon. Your daughter...can't be healed."

"What?!" I exclaimed. "But you said you would find a way!"

"Karkat, please..." Patty sighed.

"There's no please. Natalia will die if you can't help her!"

"Listen...your friend underwent something terrible. Her heart had been severely damaged, and it's a miracle that she's still alive. But she can't survive for long. I'm sorry."

"That's not your fault." I sighed, my forehead against the wall.

In my stomach, something began to ache. A tear rolled down my cheek.

"That's mine."

Everybody was looking at me.

"If I hadn't run like a kid on the road...she could still be alive. It should...have been me, on this hospital bed."

"That would've been good news" Slick grinned.

Patty pinched him on the arm, and instantly shutting him up. Though the door's little window, I watched Nat's peaceful expression, about to sleep. It should have been me, taking the truck in the face. It should have been me...but she saved me. She sacrificed her own life to...save me.  
I knew what to do. I turned to the doctor, who was about to leave.

"Can a heart transplant save her?" I asked.

She seemed disappointed.

"Er...in theory, yes...but in her case, she needs a heart that's still beating, if you see what I mean. She'd need it in the next 24 hours."

"-And she found it.", I answered, making everyone look at me. "I...I know where to find a heart."

"Karkat, you don't understand.", she said. "She'll need the heart of an living teenager to make it, and where do you expect us to find one?"

"Well...don't you have an living teenager right in front of you?"

\---

I sat on Natalia's bed, stroking her brown locks, listening to her irregular, soft breath. I had asked the adults to let us alone for an hour, for obvious reasons. They had made me have blood tests, and it turned out that I was compatible with Natalia; her body wouldn't reject my heart. This poor angel, my precious girlfriend, was about to die. And even if I help her the way I promised, we won't be together again. Just in case of, I wrote her a last letter. I kissed her on the lips, carefully, and she slowly woke up.

"Mmmhh...Karkitty?" she muttered, half-asleep.

"-Hello, Nat. I have good news, they found a way to save you."

She hugged me. The gesture was so sudden, it made me blush.

"We'll finally be together again, Kitty."

I couldn't answer anything without lying or hurting her feelings. I just hugged her back, silently, before taking my shoes off and getting under the cover with her.

"It's more comfy like this." I joked.

She rested her head on my chest, her hands running up and down my sides. I closed my eyes, just wanting, needing her to stay close to me. I felt her fingers on my hip, right on the pocket where I still had John's condom. I couldn't hold a blush, and she noticed it.

"Karkat...?" she asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, of course. Say, Nat...after your operation, I...won't be here for a while, so...if you want to say or do something, it's now or never."

She got the message. She nodded, and kissed me while my hands were taking her clothing off. I quickly locked the room's door, looked if nobody was outside, and offered myself to her.  
I first started slowly, being careful to not hurt her. She clung to me, tightly grabbing my shoulders a I was thrusting into her, nuzzling the space between her breasts, kissing every square centimeter of her soft skin, careful to not moan too loud. She was really silent due to her illness, but she was loving it. We almost came at the same time, making both of us blush. My heart was beating fast, faster than ever. And soon, it would be Natalia's heart. I'll never see the light again, but she'll be alive.

"Karkitty?"

I looked down at her sweating, blushing but worried face.

"Why are you crying?"

My tears were flowing all over her neck. I watched one running down her cleavage, landing on her belly, before being absorbed by the bedsheets.

"I...just loved it." I lied.

I smiled to reassure her, and slowly pulled off. Korazu, who hadn't said a word during the whole act, told me something I didn't heard. But when I put a hand on my genitalia to take the rubber off, I noticed that it broke. I didn't wanted to worry Natalia, but she already knew about it, because she was licking her fingers, which were covered in a white sticky matter. She giggled, and kissed me again.  
We put our clothes back on and I did what I could do to erase the traces of our hasty copulation, unlocking the door seconds before the Dr. Maryam entered.

"Natalia, Karkat...we're waiting for you at the operating suite."

Nat flashed an interrogative look at me. I took her hand in mine, telling her everything would be alright.  
A second after, she was sleeping peacefully.

\---

"Spades, you can't let him do that!" Patty begged him for the millionth time.

Of course, he wasn't saying anything. I knew that he never cared for me, but I at least expected him to have a reaction. He just seemed to stare at something in the waiting room that nobody else could see.  
I was on an operating table, Natalia next to me, still sleeping. She didn't know what was currently happening, and I couldn't help to think that it was better like this. I've given the letter to her mother, asking her to give it to Nat when she'll wake up.  
If she wakes up.  
Around us, people in pale blue were meddling with sharp items, monitors and lot of other things. My heart was beating fast in apprehension, but it was for Natalia that I was doing this.

"Are you sure, Karkrab?", Korazu asked.

I silently nodded. If I die, my crab will too. It was painful for us both, but there wasn't any other solution. He lay down next to me, and closed his four eyes, sending me memories of our best moments together. Finally, I heard one of the doctors talking to me. He said that it wouldn't hurt at all, I'll just fall asleep but won't wake up. I closed my eyes, not saying a word, except for two.

"I'm ready."

I just remember they put a mask on my face. As I breathed the sleeping gas, I was starting to feel drowsy. Fighting it wouldn't be useful. I just eased my muscles, my heart beating slower, my hand on Natalia's, the other on Kora's imaginary shell.  
One second before the blackout, I felt everything become suddenly real: hard, rough, but warm. I hadn't time to ask myself about it, because the instant after, I wasn't feeling anything anymore.  
I just had a last thought.

'I love you, Nat.'

\---

I fluttered my eyes open. It was like if I had dived into ice-cold water, and suddenly risen to the surface. Something in my chest was hurting. I was hearing voices, beeps, and all kinds of noises, but only cared for one thing.

'Niko! Where are you?', I called with my mind.

I saw the green cat appear next to me. Her two mouths were grinning. She nuzzled my face, relieved.

"Natalia...you're alive.", she said.

"-Niko...what happened? Where am I? And where is Karkitty?"

"-He can't hear you", a third voice said.

Despite the doctors warnings, I sat on what I recognized to be an operating table, and looked around me. On my right was a queer crab, as transparent as my Niko. His eyes were glowing red, but seemed full of wisdom. He walked to me, and sat on my lap.

"My name is Korazu. I am...er, was Karkat's imaginary friend."

He turned to my cat friend, and reached a pincer to her. She took it in her paws, and they exchanged a nuzzle. I felt my heart beating even more.

"If that's true...why can I see you?", I asked.

"-It's because...because..."

He burst into tears. The doctors forced me to lie down, and that's when I saw Karkat.  
On the table next to me, he wasn't moving. His face was all pale, and he wasn't breathing anymore. On his chest was a large scar. I looked down, and saw the same wound on me. I remember the conversation I heard them having in the corridor, Karkat's words...and suddenly understood everything.

''No!", I shouted.

Everyone turned to me. I began to cry. It was useless, it wouldn't give my Karkitty back, but it was too painful to handle.

"Natalia..."

I raised my head, and saw my mother's face behind the veil of tears drenching my eyes. I brushed these off, and hugged her.

"He has something for you, I think.", she calmly said.

She then gave me a paper. I took it, and recognized Karkat's handwriting.

"Dear Cat's paw of wind,  
If you read this, it means I'm gone. But not completely; my heart still beats.  
It beats inside of you.  
I felt guilty since the second you pushed me off the road. I couldn't act, or even think at the moment. You had been severely injured, and watching you slowly die from pain was insufferable. That's why I have given you my heart; yours wouldn't let you have a proper life.  
This is my gift to you. My heart. My life.  
I know I won't be here with you tomorrow, or the day after, the years after. But my heart will beat for you until you pass away, and its beats will make you live.  
You maybe are crying at the moment. I still wanna say that these tears aren't worth it. You don't need to be sad at all. I'll always be with you. Like...a cat's-paw of wind. I'll be the spirit of the wind, blowing around you to protect you no wait this is stupid. But cute.  
I want you to turn the page soon and met someone you'll fall in love with. This is useless to keep crying because of me. I want you to have a lot of kittens and children. I want you to live on and be happy.  
With love,  
Crabby kitten.

PS: I forgot to say that I love you. How silly of me.  
I love you! Love you love you love you! <3  
(V) OuO (V)"

I cried even more. In my chest, my new heart, Karkat's heart was beating. He had given his life for me, like he had avoided me to get beaten by Makara, like he always had done everything for me. And when I have wanted to save him, he saved me in return. I held the letter against my chest, right on the scar left by the heart transplant. I whispered some words in the air, thanking Karkat for everything he has done. Korazu chuckled.

"He's saying that you're welcome."

\---

"Dear Crabby kitten,  
It will soon be Carmina's fourth birthday. As usual, she misses her daddy a lot. She's sending you lot of kisses.  
Four years already...Time had gone pretty fast since I gave birth to her. Remember when I told you how much my mother was angry? At me, but especially at you. But because you had given me your heart, she has forgiven you. We were young...  
John still hasn't turned the page. Gossip time, I think he has...you know...something with Rose Lalonde. But he still is crying about you.  
Your dad will marry Patricia soon. They miss you a lot too. Everybody does. I keep telling this at each letter I had written, but it's because that's true. You would be 20 years old now...you would still be with me. You would have known Mina. She's got your eyes.  
Korazu keeps saying he can hear you. I don't say this is fake, but if only I could hear your voice too...  
Oh, Mina just drew a little crab! She says it's for you. I'll put it in the envelope with the letter, so you'll see how talented she is.  
Talking about it, I wonder where do all of my letters go. You know I put one on your grave each week, but they disappear each time I come back. Last week, I had only just taken some steps away after deposing the letter, but when I turned around it has disappeared! Does it mean you read my letters for real? It'd be really sweet.  
I miss you. Korazu and Niko too.  
Just needing your presence next to me,  
Cat's paw of wind.

PS: I just felt some wind on my cheek, but the window's closed. Did you just...kissed me?  
...  
I'll take that one as a yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carmina's story continues in [Soulseer and Nightfangs](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6889765).


End file.
